October 29th
by thesiriusmoon
Summary: It's two days before the end.


October 29th

"It is a dark time for the Rebellion. Although the Death Star has been destroyed, Imperial troops have driven the Rebel forces from their hidden base and pursued them across the galaxy. Evading the dreaded Imperial Starfleet, a group of freedom fighters led by Luke Skywalker have established a new secret base on the remote ice world of Hoth. The evil lord Darth Vader, obsessed with finding young Skywalker, has dispatched thousands of remote probes into the far reaches of space…" Sirius swept his hand in front of the baby's face, making a whooshing noise. Harry crowed with delight.

"Sirius Orion Black!" Lily stood in the doorway, trying hard to conceal her amusement. "You are not telling my baby Star Wars as a bedtime story!"

Sirius grinned up at her winningly.

"But Lils, just look at him! He loves it!"

Harry giggled again, pulling on Sirius' long hair.

Lily can't help but laugh.

"All right, but keep the scary voices to a minimum! I don't want him to have nightmares!"

Sirius placed his hand over his mouth and began breathing heavily.

"But the force is strong with this one!"

"I knew I should never have taken you to the cinema." Lily, unable to keep from laughing, left the room. Sirius looked down at his Godson, who was yawning.

"Your mummy is right about one thing PJ, it is time for you to go to bed." Sirius hoisted the sleepy baby up and placed him gently in his crib. Harry reached up a chubby fist and grabbed at Sirius' nose.

"Goodnight PJ. Don't let the nargles bite." Harry yawned again and his bright green eyes fluttered closed.

Sirius stayed by his bed until his breathing evened out. He loved watching Harry sleep. His little face relaxed and happy, his soft black hair all rumpled. He had never really cared for children, but Harry... He bent down and kissed Harry gently on the forehead before sneaking out.

"Is he asleep?" James asked, looking up from the sofa.

"Yup! You know PJ always konks out for me!"

"I wish you wouldn't call him that," Lily said as she walked in from the kitchen carrying a tea tray.

"But Prongs Junior likes it!" Sirius insisted, batting his eyelashes at her.

Lily snorted.

"That look may work on Remus but it...."

Lily broke off quickly, but the damage was already done. Sirius sucked in a quick breath, the deep ache Harry had managed to bury springing back to life. Remus....

"Who wants Halloween candy!" James shouted, probably a little more exuberantly than was really warranted.

"James," Lily sighed, "That's supposed to be for the trick-or-treaters."

"They won't mind." He insisted, and disappeared into the kitchen.

Lily began twirling her hair around her finger, a sure sign that she was about to bring up something painful.

"Have you heard from him at all?" She asked in a hushed voice. As if saying it quietly would make it hurt less.

"No." Sirius said shortly. He didn't want to talk about it.

"But Sirius..."

"Look, Lily, just drop it okay? I don't know where he is and I don't care. I'm sure his death eater buddies are taking very good care of him."

Lily looked like she was going to cry.

"I know what you think Sirius, but I just can't believe that Remus is the spy! I..."

"You heard what Peter said!" Sirius wasn't aware that he was shouting. "You know what Peter saw! And if it wasn't true than why wouldn't he defend himself! He never said anything about where he was all those months, about where he was going! Just that I was supposed to trust him! And after Marlene..." He broke off, unable to say anything more.

Marlene McKinnon, Remus' partner on a dangerous raid. Her whole family had been killed that night, and no one knew where Remus had been. Why he hadn't shown up when he was supposed to. He had come home all beaten and bruised, refusing to tell Sirius what had happened. And Peter had seen him talking with known death eaters... Everyone knew there was a spy in the order. And Remus was Sirius' weak spot. He couldn't put Lily, James, or Harry in danger. He just couldn't.

"Here we are!" James said brightly, entering the room with a bowl of brightly colored sweets. If he had heard the last exchange he made no sign of it. He handed Lily a bag of candy corn.

"Sweets to the sweet!" And then tossed Sirius a purple wrapped chocolate. "And you can have some too."

Sirius stuck his tongue out at James, who held up two fingers.

"Children!" Lily said, laughing. James sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulders, whispering something in her ear that made her blush. Sirius quickly unwrapped his chocolate. He couldn't bear to watch.

The minute he popped it in his mouth he knew it had been a mistake. The taste of dark chocolate coated his gums and he gagged.

_Remus, after the full moon, wrapped in bandages and sucking chocolate off his fingers._

_The taste of Remus' lips as they kissed under the stars_

He spat the chocolate out into the wrapper and threw it away.

"No good?" James asked. The look Lily gave him was so full of sympathy he wanted to scream.

"Just not hungry" he mumbled.

He quickly picked up the Prophet that lay on the coffee table. Names and faces of the dead screamed up at him, and he threw it back down. The silence stretched.

"Do you think any of us are going to be left standing when this is over?" Lily whispered.

"Nothing is going to hurt you." Sirius was surprised by the sound of his own voice. It was fierce, hard and angry. "I won't let it. Not anything.... Or anybody."

***

There were no lights on at the flat. The windows were resolutely dark, no matter how long Remus stared at them, and he had been staring for a long time. The night was bitterly cold and Remus' threadbare jacket did little to keep out the winds creeping fingers. He wrapped his arms around his knees in an attempt to conserve warmth and sighed. Hyde park was practically empty at this time of night. It was a good thing, as far as Remus was concerned. There was really only one person he wanted to see, and he was....

_Somewhere far away from me. _

Maybe he was with Lily, James, and Harry. Harry must be walking by now. Remus would probably never see them again...

_No! Somehow I'll make this right. Someday this will be over, and I can tell Sirius what I've been doing, and we'll find the real traitor, and James can come out of hiding, and everything will be the way it was before..._

Remus scrubbed a hand across his face, trying to clear his head. He was exhausted, but the thought of sleeping on this park bench was not very appealing. He would have to get up, to find somewhere more sheltered to spend the night. But if he left then he might miss the moment when the lights finally turned on.

_Remus, you've reached new heights of pathetic._

There were voices in the dark now, some happy couple out on a moonlit stroll. Moonlit... Two days before the full moon. Two days before he had to go back to Greyback. Two days before he had to run and howl and prove that he was, in fact, a monster.

The couple walked past him, the woman sniffing disdainfully. Her boyfriend threw something into the bin beside Remus and it took all his self control not to pounce on it before they were out of sight. Half of a hotdog and some soggy chips. He ate them as slowly as he could, trying to make them last. He finished the last bites and threw the wrappers away. The first time he had eaten out of the bin he had cried. Was this all his life was now? But after a few days he had stopped caring, or at least stopped thinking about it. It was much easier this way.

The lights came on in the flat, and Remus stood slowly. It was time to go, find someplace relatively warm to spend the night_. _He took one last, long, look at the lights before he began walking away.

"Goodnight Padfoot."


End file.
